I've been a matchmaker for years and I've noticed a big difference between those who end up in a relationship and those who spend years being single. And it's this: be open to dating outside your "type". Being too picky in your dating journey can do more harm than good. Many people create extensive wish lists or hold on to idealized versions of their future partner, but the reality is, we’re living in the real world, not fantasy land! We want real connections with real potential. (Check out our reality check calculator to see if your expectations are reasonable: Calculator)
One main reason being picky hurts your chances is that it puts immense pressure on yourself (and others). Being overly selective is not only exhausting but also stressful. It drains the fun and excitement that dating should bring. While it's fine to have some criteria, treating dating like a checklist is counterproductive. No one is perfect, but the right person for you will be open to compromise and communication—just like you should be. When you're overly critical outwardly, it usually reflects an internal critical voice as well.
Often, people have a fixed image of what their ideal partner should look like or how they should act. But remember, this is just an idea. People are multifaceted, with layers of personality and characteristics waiting to be discovered. Being open-minded allows you to explore new experiences and qualities in others. You might find that you’re attracted to traits you hadn’t considered before. If you don’t take a chance, you’ll miss out on opportunities to connect.
I used to be caught in the trap of lists and idealized dreams of my future partner. But when I let go of those expectations and opened my mind, I turned my dreams into reality. I'm now happily married with a kid. I’m not suggesting you ignore deal breakers - it's healthy to have boundaries!
A great tool I like to suggest is the 80/20 rule for dating. It says that a partner who meets 80% of your criteria is still a great match, even if they don’t fulfill the remaining 20%. Would you pass up on someone who’s largely compatible with you just because they’re not perfect? No one is perfect, but there is someone out there who is perfect for you. So, what do you really have to lose by being more open-minded? You might discover new things you like and make meaningful connections along the way.
